Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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