We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
