I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We left the knife in your bed.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
