My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
