I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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