i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think im going to throw up on grandma
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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