Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize