The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
