dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I FOUND THE LEGS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
