My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
