they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
