okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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