My room smells like vodka and shame
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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