I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize