You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
