Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
