Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
