alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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