It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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