Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
