The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
