Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
