I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
