quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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