I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
