I cockslap morals
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
