You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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