Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
