My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
