Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
