I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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