Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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