and you said cock pushups were impossible
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
