There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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