i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
