Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
