Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize