Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
