never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize