...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
