Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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