But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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