Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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