so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
