So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
