the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
