so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
