Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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