Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
