i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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