I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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