Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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