I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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