Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
