Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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