i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
