I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
