i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
