great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
