THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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