I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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