I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
