sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
