Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
