god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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