why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
