if you like me you must not know who I am
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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