found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
