You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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