In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
