hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
