He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
